Hello there. I am still not sure what exactly my blogging should be about. How do I write about myself or my thoughts in a way that would be pleasant to me and anyone else while also not exposing too much? Not a rhetorical question.
I had another wave of intense desire to not to be and, since I've tried any other method I could think of these past few years, I finally went on antidepressants. I'm doing only 30mg duloxetine but it's doing its job wonderfully. When you go on the internet to read on people's experiences with medications you can find a lot of negative stuff. So reasonably I was scared going on antidepressants. "What if I won't be able to find the one that fits? What if it will make me hopeless and fuck me up more?". What ifs and stuff.
I am really good at tolerating and going on, but even I reach a certain point where I can't just do it without any improvements. So I took out 60mg of duloxetine from med cabinet that no one used. Turned out not to be so bad, just had my head spinning and dilated pupils. Since the side effects wheren't bad at all I waited a month to visit my doctor (I love the state of healthcare in my country) to ask for 30mg instead of 60mg.
Month later and I don't have any side effects (except for remembering all of my dreaming, which probably means that I sleep worse now but I don't really care). And I don't want to die, wow! Medicine is insane guys. Little balls of something in a capsule can just do that, it's insane. Medicine is insane. What is more instane is that none of know how this shit actually works and effects our brains, but people still somehow made it and it works. Thank you, people.